Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Troy State Jokes

Q: What does a girl from Troy do if she's not in bed by 10pm? 
A: Go Home. 

Q: Why do Troy State basketball players use body heat activated deodorant? 
A: Because it's the closest they will come to getting a "degree". 

Q: Why do Troy State students have such beautiful noses? 
A: They're hand picked. 

Q: Why did Troy State disband its water polo team? 
A: All the horses drowned. 

Q: What's the difference between a Troy State diploma and toilet paper? 
A: About $50,000 per sheet. 

Q: What does it say on the back of every Troy State diploma? 
A: Will Work For Food. 

Q: Why did the Troy State grad cross the road? 
A: Better question why is he out of jail? 

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college? 
A: She applies to Troy State. 

Sunday, April 23, 2017

The Bikini -- Poem

The Bikini

by Vivien Wade

I've decided to get into shape,
Though knowing I'll never be skinny,
Would just like to lose a few pounds,
So I could wear a bright red bikini.

The way to lose weight, I'm told,
Is to join a class at the gym,
After a few weeks, they're sure,
I 'd be on the right track to slim.

At first I was a quite skeptical,
When told loose clothing to wear,
If ever I had any such clothing,
I wouldn't need to be there.

The first class was absolute agony,
Perspiring and jumping around,
Then onto the treadmill I went,
Hoping I'd walk off a pound.

At last that class was over,
I'd really been put through a test,
With aching limbs, I was thankful,
I could finally go home to rest.

Dreaming of that gorgeous bikini,
Encouraged me to lose weight,
But after gym, I'd be so hungry,
I piled up the food on my plate.

After six weeks of gym classes,
That bikini might be within reach.
Weighing, I stepped on the scales,
With visions of me at the beach.

The hand of the scales moved forward,
Just couldn't believe what I saw,
Expecting to have lost a few pounds,
I weighed even more than before!

Well, that put an end to my dreaming,
Of seeing a bright red bikini on me,
It's back to my dark one-piece swimsuit,
Which covers me from neck to knee.




Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Women, Guys Notice More Than You Think They Do

Here's an interesting article that outlines thirty things that women think guys don't notice, even though they really do:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/charlie-shaw/2014/06/30-guys-reveal-the-things-girls-think-they-dont-notice-but-they-actually-do/

dirty looks girls give each other
anything boob-related
when a girl subtly checks out her own ass

etc.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Lawyer Jokes

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
A: New Jersey got to pick first.

Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?
A: The bucket.

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Clever Kids

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.
One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.
A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Bipartisan Agreement

Apparently, there is bipartisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the treatment of arthritic pain.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Monday, November 7, 2016

What He Really Wanted

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. 
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. 
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"
"I didn't have to," Steve replied.
"Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"