The City Girl and the Country Boys

A city girl was driving back to town after attending a family funeral when she ran out of gas. It was getting late so she asked two good ol' boys sitting on the stoop of a mobile home where she could get some gas.     “Well,” said one, “the fillin' station ain't open 'till tomorrie, but I reckon you kin stay the night with me & Billy-Bob here.”    She accepted, only to be told that there was only one bed, which both Billy-Bob & Billy-Ray slept in. Thinking it might be fun, she went ahead anyway. When all three of them were all tucked in, they were just about to jump her bones when she halted proceedings.  Pulling out two condoms, she said, “You nice boys wouldn't want me to get pregnant, would you? Here, put these on.”   They did. The three of them proceeded to have the time of their lives. In the morning the car got gassed up and our girl went back to the city.   Three months later, Billy-Bob and Billy-Ray were sitting on the stoop, chewin' on some RedMan.  “D'ya remember that city girl who stopped by here a while back?” asked Billy-Ray.   “Ah sure do,” said Billy-Bob, with a smirk.   “D'ya really care if she gets pregnant?”   “Nah,” said Billy-Bob.   “Well, lets get these STUPID things off of our dicks!”

The Farmer's Daughters

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss. The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.  The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.  The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.

Bubba

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.  "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"  The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

The Incredible Swimmer

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.

"But we don't know anything about each other!" she said.

"That's all right," he replied, "we'll learn about each other as we go along."

So, she consented and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, then straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

"That was incredible!" she said.

"I used to be an Olympic diving champion," he said. "See, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about 50 she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Alabama and I worked both sides of the Tennessee River."