The Blacksmith

A blacksmith had hired a new assistant, and was asking him about his experience.

"Have you ever shoed a horse?"

"No, but I told a donkey to fuck off!"

Brazilian

Limerick

There once was a fellow called Marty
Who was worried his girlfriend seemed "tarty".
She'd had about twenty
Which wasn't too plenty,
But half were all at the same party.

The All-Knowing Mrs. Williams

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Jones. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

Being in Dixie

It's all good and fine to be in Dixie,
Or to have your heart in Dixie;
but if you go north, at least you can have
your hooters in Dixie!

I Know a Place