What He Really Wanted

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. 
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. 
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"
"I didn't have to," Steve replied.
"Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"

Dublin City Workers

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

Holy Avocado

Awful Peach Joke

A guy was driving down a long stretch of country highway, when he approached a fruit stand. The sign above read, "We have peaches that taste like anything and everything, guaranteed!" The man thought about it, and decided to stop. He thought this has to be bullshit. So he approaches the old, feeble man behind the stand and says," So, you have peaches that taste like strawberries and cream?" The old man hands him a peach and the driver takes a bite. "Mmmmmm, tastes like strawberries," he says. "Turn it around," the old man says. The driver turns it around, bites into it, and the other side tastes like cream. The man thinks for a second, and says, "How 'bout steak nad baked potato?" The old man behind the stand looks for a second, and then comes up with a new peach. He hands it to the weary traveler. He bites into it. "Tastes like steak," he says. "Turn it around," the old man says. "Wow, POTATO!" The traveler thinks really hard for about 2 minutes before he finally blurts out, "O.K. old man, I bet you don't have one that tastes like pussy!" The old man produces another peach very quickly and hands it to the driver. He takes a big bite out of it, chews a couple of times, spits it out, and says, "Man, this tastes like SHIT!!" The old man just grins and says,"Turn it around!" 

Panty Survey

Atlanta Braves Jokes

Q: What do the Atlanta Braves and possums have in common?

A: They both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q. What do the Atlanta Braves and lawn furniture have in common?

A. They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day.

Q. Why did BP hire the Atlanta Braves to clean up the Gulf oil spill?

A. Because they will go out and toss in the towel.

Bra Jokes

What's the difference between a bra-less woman and a sewing machine? The sewing machine has only one bobbin.

How do you catch a bra? Set a booby trap.

Why do they call it a Wonder Bra? Well, you wonder where the boobs went when you take it off.

What did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead while I give these two a lift.

What is the job application for Hooters? They give you a D-cup and ask you to fill it out.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Why is panties plural and a bra singular?