The Pope and the Chief Rabbi

Every time a new Pope is elected, there are many rituals in accordance with tradition -- but, there is one tradition that very few people know about.

Shortly after a new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi of Rome seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled envelope. The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection. The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected.

A new Pope's reign was shortly followed by a new Chief Rabbi. He was intrigued by this ritual and that its origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing.

When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, they faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, the Pope called him back.

"My brother," the Pope whispered, "I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you. What is it all about?"

The Chief Rabbi shrugged and replied: "We have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history."

The Pope said: "Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of kosher wine together. Then with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover the secret at last." The Chief Rabbi agreed.

Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper.

As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. They both gasped with shock ?

It was a bill for the Last Supper -- from "Moishe the Caterer."

WTF, Auburn!

Prayer to Relieve Constipation

It is verily written that if two or more are gathered to pray in HIS name, HE will hear your prayers.

Now while nicely attired in my Sunday best, and having politely listened to Brother Davis's sermon, he then made his usual request for things that we should pray about.

Members of the congregation offered some of the more standard requests:
a) For a safe return home from the mission trip;
b) For rain for the early crops;
c)  For relief from arthritis;
d) That her husband would stop drinking;
e)  For an Auburn victory;

One time a girl even requested that we pray that she have her period.  In each case, the congregation all pitched in and prayed en masse for her request to be answered.

But one crotchedly old lady gave one that was to relieve her constipation.  "Pray to the LORD that I can finally poop."

And bless everyone's heart, we all prayed for the old lady to have a good one!

Warily Confused

 

"Is my dress appropriate for going to church tomorrow, or should I wear a bra?

 

The only clean one in my drawer is polka-dotted.

 

And I'm a Baptist.

 

 

 

 

 

Back to Blogging - For Real

Okay, I made a feeble attempt at blogging two years ago; but I'm going to try and see if I have something to say.  In a lot of ways, it's intimidating to read what others have written.  If anyone is out there reading this, please let me know if I'm doing okay.

My name is Brandi.  And I've been told I'm a fine girl enough.  Don't stare at my chest when you say that.  It's so trite.

I live in Anniston, which is in the part of Alabama that's a little more boring than most.