Bikini Versus Underwear

Lewis Grizzard Quote

"Life is like a dog-sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."

An Unexpected Choice

A Baptist was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Baptist if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely ravished by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Three Ministers

It was so sad. Three preachers of different denominations took a trip with their wives when their van was wiped out by a semi.

All were killed.

Well, it came time for the ministerial couples to go through them Pearly Gates and old Saint Peter was keeping the door.

First the Presbyterian minister and his wife go up to Saint Peter, and Saint Peter says, "No you can't come in. You were obsessed with money. You didn't get much, but you married a woman named Penny." 

So they left.

Then the Methodist minister and his wife went up. Saint Peter said, "You can't come in. You were obsessed with alcohol and drinking. You didn't actually drink; but you weren't satisfied until you married a woman named Sherry."

So they left.

Then the Baptist minister said to his  wife, "Let's go, Fannie. I can see where this is going to go."

[Based on an old one told by Lewis Grizzard.]

Wishful Thinking?

Not a Flight Risk

Not So Best Friends

One day these two best friends Jay and Bob were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay's leg and bit his dick. 

Since no one was around for miles Bob called a hospital and told the doctor "Quick, Quick, I need your help. My friend got bit by a snake on his penis." 

The doctor told him, "Son you're gonna have to suck the venom out yourself." 
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Bob asked, "Please, doctor, surely there has to be another way to get rid of the venom?" 

The doctor said. "Sorry, there's nothing we can do." 

So Bob went running to his friend and when he got there Jay said with pain, " So what did the doctor say?" 

Bob said," Doctor said your gonna die!"