How Did He Do?

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.

Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.

She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”

The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”

Wedding Night

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him.The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she'd seen.

"What can I help you with?" he asked.

"Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?"

"Ma'am," he answered, "that there is called a penis."

"I see," she said. "Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?"

"Why that there is called the head of the penis."

"I do declare!" exclaimed the young woman. "One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?"

"I'm not sure about your husband, ma'am, but on me, they're called the cheeks of my ass!"

Democrats

When a Yellow Dog Democrat (straight voting Democrat) mates with a Blue Dog Democrat (conservative Democrat), will their offspring Green Dog Democrats (Environmentalist Democrats)?

Love, Lust, and Marriage

Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath



Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 McDonald's Happy Meals . . . to go



Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping the kids' candy off of the carpet



Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: What's sex?



Love: A night out at the symphony
Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice



Love: French perfume
Lust: Brut aftershave
Marriage: "The baby needs changing. . ."



Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teen aged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets



Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .



Love: Finding the "Fell in Love on AOL" room
Lust: Finding the "Blonde Dominatrix" room
Marriage: Finding the "Married and Looking" room



Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat