The String Bikini

Three high-school pals were walking on the boardwalk when they saw the most gorgeous girl in a string bikini. Two of the guys let out whistles and stared their eyes out, but Bubba, the third guy, took to his heels in the opposite direction.

A few days later all three were walking on the boardwalk again and saw the same girl, this time wearing nothing but the bikini bottom. And again, two of the guys went ape while Bubba ran for his life.

So when the guys saw the girl for the third time --- this time she's stark naked --- the other two guys grabbed Bubba before he could get away.

Shaking him by the shoulders, they shouted, "Why are you running away from a gorgeous sight like that, you jerk?"

Trembling, Bubba blurted out, "See, it's like this, my mom told me if I ever looked at a naked woman I'd turn into stone... and I felt something getting hard!"

                      

 

Ye-e-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!

A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-"so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.

"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

The Rodeo Position

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What
is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's'. Then you try and stay on for eight seconds."

The City Girl and the Country Boys

A city girl was driving back to town after attending a family funeral when she ran out of gas. It was getting late so she asked two good ol' boys sitting on the stoop of a mobile home where she could get some gas.     “Well,” said one, “the fillin' station ain't open 'till tomorrie, but I reckon you kin stay the night with me & Billy-Bob here.”    She accepted, only to be told that there was only one bed, which both Billy-Bob & Billy-Ray slept in. Thinking it might be fun, she went ahead anyway. When all three of them were all tucked in, they were just about to jump her bones when she halted proceedings.  Pulling out two condoms, she said, “You nice boys wouldn't want me to get pregnant, would you? Here, put these on.”   They did. The three of them proceeded to have the time of their lives. In the morning the car got gassed up and our girl went back to the city.   Three months later, Billy-Bob and Billy-Ray were sitting on the stoop, chewin' on some RedMan.  “D'ya remember that city girl who stopped by here a while back?” asked Billy-Ray.   “Ah sure do,” said Billy-Bob, with a smirk.   “D'ya really care if she gets pregnant?”   “Nah,” said Billy-Bob.   “Well, lets get these STUPID things off of our dicks!”

The Farmer's Daughters

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss. The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.  The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.  The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.

Bubba

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.  "Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"  The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

The Incredible Swimmer

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.

"But we don't know anything about each other!" she said.

"That's all right," he replied, "we'll learn about each other as we go along."

So, she consented and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, then straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

"That was incredible!" she said.

"I used to be an Olympic diving champion," he said. "See, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along."

So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about 50 she climbed back out and lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Alabama and I worked both sides of the Tennessee River."