Assessing Her Virginity

Jim-Bob was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.

The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.”

Jim-Bob asked, “And what do I do with these, doc?”

The doctor replied, “Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw’, you hit her with the shovel.”

The Female Gorilla

The Auburn University vet school acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very "in the mood", and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.

To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the administrators noticed Ed, a part-time student intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most Barners, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. "Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."

The Attack by a Vicious Dog

Two boys are playing football in Big Springs Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A reporter from the Huntsville Times, who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Bama fan," the little hero replied.

  "Sorry, since we are in North Alabama I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Little Auburn Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Auburn fan either," the boy said.

"I assumed everyone in the Area was either for Bama or Auburn. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Tennessee fan." the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Hillbilly Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet."

Windy Day

Is Participation in Bikini Contests Acceptable?

Please, I would like your thoughts on this.  I would not wear a micro bikini or a thong: everything that should be covered would be.

They have them down at Gulf Shores.

I know these are Maryland colors, but they are cute.

A Blonde Moment in Hat Shopping